If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
