Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
