...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
