Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
COCAINE IS GR8
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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