I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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