I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize