when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
