i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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