i just google imaged poop.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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