she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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