think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
