Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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