you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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