dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Is Oprah even human
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
