Whatcha textin bout Willis?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
