I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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