Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize