I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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