i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
