You can't motorboat a personality
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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