Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
