your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
