he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
