Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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