That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
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