I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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