Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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