i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
