marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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