forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
