I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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