I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
