So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
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Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
