you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
