This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
