Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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