At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm having to shit out rocks
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
