I accidentally burped into my bong.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
