We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
