He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
