I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
