1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
nutella sex= disaster
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
