So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
