Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
