hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
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