i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize