i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
