Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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