LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
