I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
false alarm. still invincible.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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