Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
