im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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