the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
