just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
