I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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