Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
