someone threw a dead crab at me
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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