If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
