I wish you could order shots online.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
