I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
