so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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