YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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