I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
