i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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