Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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