i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
