Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
