READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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