watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
