I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
