I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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