are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
try to milk me bitch
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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