I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
