So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
