I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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