I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
