Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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