Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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