I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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