I am full of burrito and curiosity
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
