they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
