im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
