she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
