It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
