I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
