I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
