he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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