Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Randomize
