the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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