I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
