My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
