Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
