I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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