i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
