i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
