It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
a search helicopter?!
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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