Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize