I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
