What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
