Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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